Shebeen 1814 Brown Ale
Bomber, $5, 5.3% ABV
Purchased at a store, I forget
I was bored today and asked the twitter world which brewery they would like me to do a review from. Of course Shebeen was the first answer. I should have seen that coming. People love to pick on poor Shebeen; or rather, people love to vicariously watch me do it.
With a new brewery opening ever few weeks now in our fine little state, it should come as no surprise that Shebeen is far from the only crappy one. They are the crappiest marketers and the worst when it comes to media savvy, but I’ve had crappy beer at lots of crappy-to-mediocre non-Shebeen breweries. So hey, all you mentals, when you want to read negative reviews, it’s not all about Shebeen y’know?
(But oh my god, did you see their newest label? The one with the artichokes being shot out of the hubcap at the wholly unnecessary description of the recipe? Classic.)
Anyway, why the sepia tone to the picture here, Steve? Because…
Designed to celebrate the end of the War of 1812, we modeled this recipe after styles and ingredients normally found at that time period in the early years of the United States. We use darker grains, molasses, candy sugar and American hops. This beer is a session beer and is easy to drink anytime.
How’s that for a random reason to celebrate? Were the Shebeensters hanging around one night, having a brainstorming session and – you know, something like this –
“Kale is totally hip now, and when I think of Kale, I think of Cale Yarborough the old NASCAR driver and since we distribute to South Carolina now, and kale is green and NASCAR races involve green flags, and we’re an Irish brewery that doesn’t have a single solid traditional Irish beer, how about a green beer with a race car on the can called “K’Ale,” which will be a lager, made with kale.”
“but you said “K’Ale” as in “ale.”
“Yeah, so? That’s just for marketing.”
“Good point. I love it. Who’s next?”
“Okay, so I was thinking… Hops, right? It’s all about hops these days. And rabbits hop, right? And traditionally, when you eat rabbit, you always have potatoes, right? So how about an IPA with potatoes in it?”
“We already do that.”
“Shut up, no we don’t”
“Yes, we do, although it’s instant potato flakes, but whatevs. It’s delicious. The people who ‘get it’ love it. Who’s next?”
“I was watching PBS and they had a thing on about the War of 1812 and Connecticut’s role in it. I was thinking of doing a beer designed to celebrate the end of the War of 1812. It’ll be modeled after styles and ingredients normally found at that time period in the early years of the United States. Like darker grains, molasses, candy sugar and American hops. And we’ll keep the ABV 5.3% Alcohol By Volume low too.”
“Excellent, make it so.”
This beer was a nightmare. It may very well be what beer tasted like in 1812, as I can’t imagine it as any good back then. It tasted like what I’d imagine gurgling a bunch of old pennies would taste like. Metallic and sweet. It made me hallucinate for a short spell. I don’t know what they do over there in Wolcott to make so many mediocre beers end up so bad in the bottle. It’s like black magic or something. I’ve gone through so many phases with them – including several “let’s give them another shots” – but nah. I just don’t have time to suffer through nonsense beer anymore.
I usually get through a glass of crap beer before dumping the rest. I try to let it warm up or let my palate get used to it or whatever. Not so with this one; Two or three sips in and I was done.
But like a good early 19th century American, I didn’t waste the liquid. Nah, I watered my herb garden with it.
(Which I thought would be funny at the time, but now I’m kind of like, “that’s stupid.”)
Overall Rating: F
Rating vs. Similar style: F