Blonde American Pale Ale
1 bottle, $1.79++ , 4.5% ABV
Purchased at Crazy Bruce’s, West Hartford
Straight up: Beaver’s blonde is the best of the three beers they currently offer. But it’s still just not all that good at all. It’s just a very average, boring, and muddled ale that, like the entire Beaver line-up, relies far more on the vagina-ness of the marketing scheme than the quality of the beer.
I guess to some guys, getting any beaver is better than getting no beaver at all. These are the same tool bags who drink the various local blondes so that they can be the original guy who asks for Blonde Hookers and Blonde Beavers as loudly as possible.
I’ve never been one of those guys. I swear. (I’m very quiet in public and would just be too embarrassed to be like that.)
Or perhaps it’s because I have only dated one blonde in my life, and that was way back in high school and early college. And maybe because the mere thought of calling her a “blonde beaver” would have probably rendered me incapable of enjoying future beavers. And maybe because she went on to Wesleyan where “freshmen” are “frosh” and women are (or were) womyn. And maybe because she went on to Yale and Johns Hopkins and has various MS’s and MD’s and PhD’s.
Or maybe just because I respect women… even if every one I seriously dated/married after that first one has had dark, dark hair.
The brewing process begins with a proprietary yeast strain. Unlike most pale ales, this yeast provides a mellow estery aroma that enhances the malty flavor aroused from 2-Row and Cargill Europils malts, as well as lending a subtle crispness. Beaver Blonde is characterized by its balanced hop bitterness and noticeable citrus hop nose which is crafted by generous “dry hopping” of lusty Simcoe & Amarillo hops. A touch of white wheat malt enhances the drinkability of this gorgeous brew for a refreshing blonde that goes down easy time after time. This is one Beaver you won’t forget.
So if you happened to skim the review of Beaver’s Big Red IPA, you’ll remember they used the words heady, bodacious, sinfully and “bottoms up.” Now we get aroused, lusty, gorgeous, “goes down” and yeast.
Mmm, yeasty. Not really a word I would pair favorably with “beaver,” but whatever.
What’s interesting is that for me, that yeastiness is what really holds this pale ale back from being a halfway decent pale ale. It’s a bit too murky and mouthfeely for a good blonde. It also gives this brew a bit of a funky smell and a slightly sour/citrus after taste. Like their other beers, it just seems like they – or their contractor at Paper City – is just adding stuff to a base beer. Not that that makes any sense at all.
Eh, I don’t really have anything more to say about this bleh beer.
Overall Rating: C+
Rating vs. Similar style: D