Thomas Hooker Blonde Ale
One 12 oz bottle as part of mix-six pack, $9.90, 5.1% ABV
Purchased at Copaco Liquors, Bloomfield
Yeah, yeah… “I’d like a Blonde Hooker.” And, “That Blonde Hooker goes down so easily.” Or, “Take your Blonde Hooker into the other room.” Perhaps, “Blonde Hookers make me feel good.” We could do this all day.
Hooker’s Blonde is the pinnacle for Connecticut bros to toss off tired one-liners about hookers and blondes. We get it. But you can’t really blame them. It’s not their fault. Thomas Hooker Brewing wants Connecticut bros to do this. They sell t-shirts celebrating the “hooker” and “blonde” connection.
And they can, of course, feign ignorance by pointing to the handsome history wall that the fine folks over at the Connecticut Historical Society put together to give the brewery tasting room some class. I happen to love the partnership but can’t help but be cynical about it all. Yes, Hartford was founded by Thomas Hooker. Yes, blonde ales are a tried and true “go-to” for all small brewers. But still… it’s corny.
(I am fully aware of another local, City Steam Brewing, and their “Blonde on Blonde Ale.” Coincidentally, City Steam’s beer is brewed at Hooker’s facility as well. ZOMG! The Blonde on Blonde is swirling around with the Blonde Hooker! LULZ.)
Perhaps my comments above are due to my being such a brunette guy – or, as my wife told me just two days ago, “You always like those dark brooding types.” I guess my wife would know, eh?
I have said in the past that blonde ales could be rightly called bland ales. They’re all the same for the most part, none really standing alone on top of the heap. They are quite simply light often fizzy session beers with minimal flavor and no complexity. They just “are.” And they never excite me at all.
Hooker’s offering is more of the same. Fizzy, bland, grainy… forgettable. Some people wonder why I can like crap like Corona or High Life better than a local craft brewed blonde ale. I guess it’s because Corona tells you up front, “Our beer is so bad you need to add a lime to it and when you do, you can pound these things on a hot summer’s day.” And I like that fat black deliveryman guy in the High Life commercials – and I also like adding a lime to that swill as well.
But you wouldn’t really want to add a lime to the Hooker Blonde. It just wouldn’t seem right, even if it would make it better. Again, it’s not bad like a real-life hooker with a blonde wig, but it’s not exactly Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman either.
Overall Rating: C
Rating vs. Similar style: C